It’s when an Italian offers you wine and you wanna be polite.
Vin?
Yessah.
Stupid fucking joke.
A vinyasa is literally ANY movement connected to another one or leading into another one with your breath. So a popular one like the one in the picture is commonly called a “cat-cow” vinyasa. You start on your hands and knees with a flat back like you’re about to get fucked doggystyle trying to make a table or somethin sturdy . Then you just start breathing deeper than you normally do and let your spine kinda ebb and flow with your inhale and exhale. So every time you inhale, raise your head and eyes to look up and when you exhale, slowly drop your eye gaze and chin to the ground like you’re tryna look atcho own stomach. Your back and stomach should get in on the action too so when you inhale drop your stomach to the ground by arching your back like you’re tryna be sexy in doggy style and when you exhale, arch yo back the other way like you’re a cat on a halloween poster that says “scaredy cat”??? You know what the fuck I’m talkin bout here? Imma find a pic.
But you don’t have to do cat-cow vinyasas. If you have bad knees and want something you can do from a chair, you can do something else. This asshole in the picture is like two cat cows away from destroying his meniscus. Really only pay attention to the 3rd picture for the start position and the one above it for the “cat” part and the last picture minus the legs for the “cow” part. Why doesn’t he have a mat? Why is he on HARD wood? Why does he hate his knees?! Why did we even use this picture?!
Chair bound in an office? Sit on the edge of yo motherfuckin chair with your feet on the ground. Scoot to the fuckin edge. Sit up straight.. good if your boss walks in you look super alert and not like you were on Buzzfeed all day. Yes yes still sitting up straight? Gayly tall? Erect AF? Nice. Exhale deeply and drop your hands by your sides and when you inhale slowly lift them over your head like you’re makin a snow angel… out of air…standing up. Give your hands a lil clap together above your head and slowly lower them when you exhale. You can repeat this as much as you want… your boss will realize you aren’t working as soon as you start snow angelling, but hey look you’re already doing yoga in inappropriate places. You’re a yogi now. We’ll have you acroyoga-ing in airplanes in no time. Because that’s what its about…rushing to get the pose AND the likes.
Other vinyasas:
lay in bed. inhale and turn your head to the right. exhale and turn your had back to the center. inhale and turn your head to the left. exhale and turn your head back to the center. FUCK YEAH YOGA FROM BED!!!!
starbucks line: feet together. inhale get on your tip toes and peep the person’s phone in front of you. Exhale, lower down and mind your own fucking business. Go slow. Get to work on time. Duality, motherfucker.
BTW– you can make up your own vinyasa. You can switch which movement gets the inhale and which one gets the exhale. Play with it. See how you feel. They do different things for different movements and different people. Play with the speed. Make your breath your timer for the physical body part you’re movin. See how slow you can go. Helps the lungs and tones the muscles.
SCREW YOGA 